Save Marriage Ideas

Archive for December, 2009

In my heart I know if my ex and I put our efforts we could save our marriage. Does it take 1 or 2 people to make it work? This may sound stupid but if anyone saw the movie "Fireproof" you would know where I’m coming from.

In that movie, they both worked to destroy the marriage, the husband more so than the wife. It was when the husband owned up to his side of the problem and showed the wife he was serious about changing that she reconsidered and they both decided to make it work.

It takes two in the long run, but in "Fireproof", when the husband changed his behavior, it gave the wife a chance to change hers as well.

You could do everything on your side to show your commitment. If he still walks away then you know you did everything in your power to save the marriage and make it better. If he allows your actions to affect him, his barriers may come down and he may decide to give it another good try.

Me and My husband Have been falling apart for about 6 mounths now, He dosent want to hug,me , kiss me, make love he also wont let me hold him at night anymore. He say he just wants to be left alone but it is breaking my heart. I feel lost someone give me some advise to help save our marriage, I love him so much and would do anything to save this marriage.

I am sorry to hear you are in this situation.

Some people do like to have alone time, whereas some people like to be with their partners 24/7. Obviously this causes difficulties in a marriage, but with good communication, these things can be worked out.

In the meantime, you should leave your partner alone, just as he wishes. Now is the time to give time to yourself. You need to work on yourself and boost your self-esteem. This will have two fold results.

Firstly, you will feel better about yourself. This will give you confidence to maybe do things you have not done before.

Secondly, your husband will see you as more self-sufficient, capable, and less needy of him. This will make you more attractive to him as a person.

If you have any good girl friends, perhaps mates you have had from school or work, now is a good time to start going out with them. Not to get drunk and look at other men, but just to socialize and develop a ring of support around you. Sometimes when you talk about your problems with sympathetic listeners, then your problems seem less overwhelming.

For help with boosting your self-esteem you can visit www.savemarriagesecrets.org where you can get a free ebook called Personal Development Advice which you may find useful.

Best wishes,

Red Stripe

I did not put my name in the childs birth certificate, do you think that the embassy will still mind or know if i was and had a secret marriage and i have no idea if i can still bring my wife that was deported in japan illegal documented there.

I do not believe she would be able to enter the U. S. of A. since her past history of being deported is on her record.

I’ve known my fianc for 8 years. He’s the love of my life. 2 years ago I moved out of state to be with him. 2 months later I found out that he cheated on me a month before I moved to be w/him. I was devastated, so was he. Not only am I a virgin waiting for marriage, but we have a strong Christian relationship as well. It’s been a year now & we worked through a lot & got engaged. I look back & realize the act was completely out of character for him & I feel that he has changed for the better. He’s gone to counseling (his idea), he’s read books, he is 100% honest with me about everything, & makes it completely known that he wants to be with only me forever. We have never had any other problems in our relationship with trust or honesty. We’re getting married next year & I just want to know, is it really possible for people to change? I feel like there’s so much out there about chronic cheaters but if it happened once, & they repented & owned up to it, is it still foolish to trust again?
In response to Tapestry6 response, I am not living with him. We will not live together until we are married, I just moved to his state and got my own place.

I appreciate all the advice thus far

If you are hesitant to trust him, you shouldn’t marry him.

I find it very odd that with the divorce rate so high, people don’t consider marriage counseling a viable option or even as an alternative. I’m not saying marriage counseling is needed by everyone– or that everyone will consider it– but oftentimes I hear Christians people state that you don’t need marriage counseling and it doesn’t work.

I’ve even heard and seen people say that you should instead talk to an older couple who have been married for 30+ years and get advice from them to help your marriage. Apparently that’s better to do because "they won’t be a 24 year old with a master’s degree". I’m not saying ALL MFT’s are great (as with most therapists/doctors) but why aren’t people considering it? Especially other Christians…last time I checked, the majority of people getting divorced are Christians.

Yes it costs money but it’s better to spend the money over a period of time on counseling than forking out 30,000 for a divorce and having to lose half your assets. I always thought therapy or counseling sessions were to help you identify your problems, cope with them, and then give you the tools to continue your own problem-solving. What is so bad about that? There are even faith-based counselors who are accessible. I’ve talked to older Christians who even told me that marriage counseling helped save their marriage, but others still looked down on them for doing so. Why?
The reason I say Christians is because I’ve had people tell me that secular counseling is bad, counselors give "bad" advice, etc. I’ve been hearing that ALOT lately.

I’m a Christian who is also a counselor. I also go to a Christian church. And I have never heard any of my Christian friends say that people should not go to marital counseling. Your concept of counseling is right on target. The only thing I can think of is that some Christians think you only rely directly on God to save your marriage. However, my thoughts are that God put other people on earht to assist us when needed. Counseling is no exception.